The PET Scan

I have to be honest, I have had trouble accepting the accolades from everyone, especially the accolades about my bravery and strength.

I don't feel brave, and I don't feel strong. I'm scared. I'm frightened for upcoming appointments, and results. I'm nervous about going to the counsellor tomorrow because I'm afraid I will cry, and not stop.

And then I happened by this quote,

To show your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength - Criss Jami

This is exactly what I am doing, I am sharing my weakness. I am telling you how terrified I am of a 3cm tumour in my body. I am sharing that if that tumour spreads, how much more scared I will be, because my fight, can become ten times harder. The so called "cure", will be that much more difficult for me to endure.

And therein lies the strength, in my thoughts coming out into my words. If I weren't writing them, I know, I would not be saying them.‎ This is where I believe by sharing, via my writing, my strength of humility can shine through. I'm sure we all know my strength of stubbornness by now....

So, thank you everyone for allowing me to share my strengths and weaknesses, it is helping me in a very difficult time.

Anyways, onto the PET scan, or should I say Positron Emission Tomogrophy Scan

My mom and I travelled over to Vancouver on Wednesday, we took the 11 o'clock ferry to make sure we would get over to the mainland in good time, check in at the hotel, and find our way to the hospital without getting lost. I get tired quite easily, so was very thankful we were able to get into our room by 3 and I was able to have a short nap before heading over to the Cancer Agency.

I wasn't at all as nervous as I thought I would be. The day before, I got a fantastic email from two good friends Kim and Greg. They gave me the best and most helpful info to date (thank you Kim and Greg)‎. I knew what to expect when I got there, so I was ok with what the scan was going to be like.

‎Once I got there, I was taken to a room by a nice young assistant. He explained that I would be injected with "sugar dye", not the technical words he used, but close. Basically, cancer lives and grows off sugar, so this test was allowing the cancer cells to "nom nom" on the sugar, while they were taking pictures. While he was explaining it to me, I said "oh, like Pac Man?", judging by the look on this kids face, if I made any further outbursts he was going to bring Security in with him next time.

Once the "sugar dye" was injected, I was to lay still and let it do its work. To move about or "not obey the rules" (what? did he know me?) would be a disservice to me, since my muscles would use up the sugar first, and not the intended cancer cells.  

Personally, I think the cancer cells are getting a lot of attention these days....but, I had to listen to the dude. Before he left the room, he said, "we have a CD list you can choose from", and although Kim had told me, I could send them a playlist. I just was not going to go there, memories of Rob and country music are still dancing around in my head, no thank you. I chose the sounds of silence instead.

I actually don't mind the quiet. I do have three kids! It was nice just laying there. It gave me time to threaten the shit out of the panda cells that were thinking of leaving my pelvis for other places. I also got to think about things I needed to have done around my place for when I start radiation, and,  for when I will not be able to do very much at all. It was nice, I enjoyed my quiet time, it went by quickly.

I was escorted into a room and again was met with a mother ship....holy, what is it with these humongous machines?? I almost asked the kid which Transformer it was....  

I was soon loaded onto a long board and was zipped into the mouth of the Transformer, or, sorry the PET machine. I was in there for an hour. What I didn't know, was that the table can be moved, so they moved the table, up, down, side to side, up and down and....you get it. I was sea sick. It was kinda yucky, but after it was all said and done, it was well after 8 at night and I knew my mom was waiting in the waiting room for me. I just couldn't wait to go.

MRI - check

Bone Scan - check

CT scan - check

PET scan - check

Results, next Monday or Tuesday.

Have a safe and Happy Weekend

xox s