So, lots has happened since the latest post. My beautiful, strong mom, the creater of this blog, passed away April 4th. She did not get to write her last blog like we discussed, so I thought I would.

   By reading even one off her blog posts, you can probably imagine how unbelievably strong she was. She fought as hard as she could for her family. She made things funny, and easy to talk about. Hence 'SarahvsPanda'!

   She was a firecracker. She knew what she wanted, and nothing could stop her. Not two chronic illnesses, and finally The Panda. For years she was in pain, but did her absolute best as a mom. Every single day for as long as I can remember, my sister, brother and I would go into her room the second we were home, to tell her every detail of our day. Sometimes she'd be half asleep, but we'd talk anyways. Because she was our best friend.

   Her decline was fast, one day she seemed very confused. Then she was in Hospice, for a week. She got more and more confused, she quickly lost control of her mind and body. She had a couple moments of clarity, in those few moments she was surrounded by loved ones. And made us laugh. I asked her if she needed anything, and she replied with, "Did you just say suck my di**?!" I defiantly did not! But there was the mom we knew, getting angry with us about our potty mouths. (Wich we learned from her!). Another time is when she woke me up in the middle of the night, yelling to get her a Diet Coke and was extremely insistent on this, no matter the time. Those who knew her well, knows that all she drank was Diet Coke! I never thought I'd miss those calls in the middle of the night...

 The last time I heard her laugh was two days before she died. It was beautiful. I never thought I could miss a quality like that as much as I do.

 She was loved, so so greatly. She went through hell and back in the last couple years. And it's not fair, but this is life. She suffered a long time, but she is now at peace, therefore so are we.

   She wrote to ease her pain, and this blog helped her greatly. Thank you for everyone who took the time to read it, we are so fortunate to have a little peice of Sarah with us forever. When we miss her, we can come back and remember this beautiful, courageous person. And how she touched our lives with her story, and her strength.

New Years "well time".....

Happy New Year everyone, I hope this year brings excitement and joy to all of us.

It seems a bit late to talk about Christmas and New Years holidays, but our family had a great time together over both holidays.

I would rather keep talking about holidays and stuff, but I guess I should address the "panda" in the room.  

I have only one side effect that's left from Chemo. My feet are always tender‎, mostly numb. If I step on the smallest piece of debris, it feels like glass going right into my skin, when really, I've just stepped on the crumbs of a Honey Nut Cheerio.  My toes are especially numb, I constantly have to make sure I haven't broken a toe.

I have been to the Dr twice since my last post. Everything is fine, well except for the tumors of course. To date, they haven't spread.‎ However, both visits I've been told there is no way to get rid of the cancer.

When I was first told we weren't going to do chemo right away, I thought I still had that option, sadly, now I don't, I never did.

My last visit at the Dr's, I was told to enjoy my "well time" for as long as it lasts.

Since the end of November, I've gotten back all my energy, some of my appetite, more importantly, I was well enough to start living again. I still feel this way, and will for as long as I can.

I fear, this may be one of my last or second to last posts about my journey with cancer. Just like some, who don't know what to say, I am finding it harder and harder to talk about. I'm afraid I would make a blog full of things I may not see, or places I will never go. That's not fair to you, or me.

This was a difficult blog to write, because it puts down into words what has only been spoken. This has been hard for me.

Thank you everyone for your love and support, I promise to live on my well time as long as I can.

Happy New Year

xo

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