I've had to write some difficult pieces this year, so I'm making this post the last one of 2014. I know 2015 will bring some new challenges and despite the cancer returning, I am feeling so good these days, I'm going to be ready for them. I've done all my Christmas shopping, which I am super happy about, and I know my kids will be too.
I did see the Dr to talk about next steps. We basically agreed that since I was feeling good, looking good, getting around on my own, that we are just going to leave things for now. The cancer hasn't shown any indication that it has spread. I'm not being held back by it at all....we decided just to let me be. When my bloodwork spikes, or I take a turn for the worse, we start chemo again. I'm really happy with this decision. I trust my Dr, and I am just so happy I feel so good these days.
I've been guilty of hiding my emotions. I'm very careful not to give anything away. I don't want anyone to know if I am scared or sad, and I'm not sure why. I even hide my emotions from myself. I stopped watching movies, listening to music, and depending....reading. I'm afraid of a trigger, or something to set me off. Now that I've recognized what I've been doing, I will try and let my emotions come out. I'm not sure how this came to be, I'm usually quite open, I mean look at look at the stuff I write on my blog. I just know I would turn off the radio for fear of hearing a song that may remind me of something or someone, or refuse a movie so I'm not watching something that will devastate me, the thought terrifies me. Hey wait....I just shared an emotion!
There is a little excitement around here. My hair is growing back. It's deciding where and when it feels like growing. I have one eyebrow, one eye with eyelashes, and.....black hair coming in. Yes, you read that right, I said Black. For those who haven't seen me in awhile or for 20 yrs, I've always been dirty blonde or a beautiful bottle blonde. This black hair is puzzling, instead of straight hair, I'm wondering if I will get curls??
This year we are all piling to my mom's for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. It will be a bit tricky for Santa to find us, but I am sure he will. My sister and her hubby and my beautiful niece will be there, I'm really looking forward to it. I remember in a post I wrote last year, wondering if I would be here for this Christmas, well here I am, and I have many more Christmas's to celebrate with my family, I will look forward to each one.
I want to thank each and everyone one of you who read my blog, your comments, support and love, for that, I am grateful.
I hope all of you have a Christmas holiday full of happiness and laughter..... I know we will
xo
s
