Things that I love...

I spent the whole day at the clinic yesterday, it was a long day....

I saw some beautiful things and I saw some sad sights, instead of writing about anything cancer/panda related, I thought I would reflect on how positive my week has been.

I have driven myself to all my radiation appointments.  My friend Wendy drove me in to my chemotherapy appointment on Monday, and mom drove me home, but the rest I have done all by myself.  The dr's had said that by the end of week 2 that I would be well into my fatigue, and nausea and or diarrea would have me at it's helm.  Well knock on wood, it hasn't yet, and I am determined to finish the week off on my own terms.

Enough of that....these are some of the things that I love.

1. My kids. for all their wonderful glory, smiles, laughs and endless amounts of time they want to just chill with me, I love them.

2. Diet Coke.  The fizz, the cold, the je ne sais q'auis...je t'aime

3. Facebook.  For being such a private person, it allowed me to splay myself out like bambi on the ice, share my innermost fears, and have friends from long ago and near and dear support me and cheer me on.  Wow.

4. Nicknames. I love them, most of you close to me has one.  Even I have a few myself.  I think they are a term of endearment.

5. Friends. Great friends, old friends, new friends....you are all important to me, and I love you.

6. Music.  Music can be such a social experience but yet such a personal one.  I like both, but these days I am a picky music person.  I love my new picky tunes.

7. Smiling.  I lost mine for awhile.  It wasn't worth it, I feel like I gave it away at the wrong time.  Not this time.  I am using my smile, to be positive, to not let this panda beat me, and to let others know, that I am ok....because I am :)

8. Laughing. A baby's giggle.  An inside joke, a silly joke you just can't stop thinking about.

9. Love. No matter the kind, even when it hurts, it is all around.  Love is all you need.

10. Writing.  This.

Week 2...

This week started with a Chemo Cocktail.  I only do Chemotherapy once a week with the treatment routine I am on.  The reason I am doing the chemotherapy is to weaken the cells so that the radiation can kill them easier and faster....go chemo.

I was quite nervous.  I had taken my pre-chemo anti-nauseant meds before I left the house.  I had a great nurse who took a lot of time explaining what was happening, and what she was going to do.  Nothing really surprised me, I've been poked and prodded so much these days there really isn't anything I haven't seen. 

They first hydrate you, I was given potassium and some other stuff....I was paying attention, but I also was really concentrating on my stomach, I didn't want to be nauseous.  I know, I could have been making myself be sick....but I was good.

Chemo went in, and I was fine. I actually think that I fell asleep.  I don't think I mentioned you get some super comfy chairs that you get to lay back in.

I wasn't there long.  Although, as the room filled up, some people were going to be there for up to 6 hours.

Off I went to Radiation, and then I was done.  It seems like it was a short time, but I was at the clinic for close to 6 hours myself.  My mom drove me home, she had dinner ready but I was ready to eat.  Jesse and Sophie were...no surprise there :)  I slept for about four hours, then had something a little later.

All in all, week 2 started out ok.

Thank you again to everyone for you support

xox s

Thats what friends are for....

What a wonderful weekend!

Towards the end of the week, I was really starting to feel nauseous at a certain time at night.  I could feel the fatigue drag at some of my steps.  My last radiation appointment was early Friday morning, I had to get thru that, then get home in time for when Jacquie and Jodi arrived from the Coho.

It was so nice to see them both!  Jacquie and I get to see each other about every 5 years.  In the past 7, we have both lost a beloved parent to Cancer, so this weekend was especially important for both of us to see each other.

Like usual, after the hugs we slid into our easy friendship ways.  Getting comfy and filling each other in, this doesn't last too long since we already know.  Sophie was in her element, every time "girl weekend" was mentioned, she lit up and went to get makeup, or went to get nail polish.  I wasn't up to the nail polish because of the smells, but Jacqui and Jodi were!

Then came the make up, Sophie is a pro at putting on makeup, she had those two dolled up in no time.

It was an easy and wonderful weekend.  One that went too fast.  Jacquie made me a blanket, one side had the teal "Ribbon of hope" and the other side is a beautiful teal.  Its so soft and cozy, its all I need on my bed to sleep with.  Jodi brought me a gorgeous scarf which I have worn to the clinic both days this week.

They were wonderful guests, they let me sleep if I needed it, they made dinners and breakfasts.  My kids were here to laugh and have fun with them, and they all had a ton of fun.

Jacquie and Jodi....my house sparkled just a little less when we woke up and you two were gone on Sunday morning.  Your visit was a wonderful reminder, that no matter the miles, the trials in life, friends are never far apart.

xox s

Week 1 in the books...

Despite some very personal affronts and disappointments from others, that, I gave myself a day to wallow in, this week has not been as bad as I thought it would be.

I know that I wrote and shared my inner most thoughts, but I wouldn't be true to myself or others if I let on it was all sunshine and roses, because it's not.  

Regular life does not stop when you have to undergo drastic measures to save your own life.

People will still be assholes, great people will still be great....life goes on...

It's not been that bad of a week. Radiation has been a bit of a grind. Only the last two days I have started to feel nauseous after the treatment. Now, I will start taking a gravol before I go, that will help. I am noticing a bit of fatigue, but not that much yet.

I had to meet with the Nutritionist at the clinic yesterday. I have lost weight since my diagnosis and they want to keep an eye on that. I was thankful for some tips on what may come, once the radiation starts to wear the rest of my body down. I thought I should also confess my Diet Coke addiction....which prompted her to confess her Diet Pepsi addiction!!!

This resulted in the ultimate stare down, she let me win, but probably cuz I have cancer ;).

Thankfully she didn't tell me to stop (hear that everyone), she told me to substitute every other one with a club soda or a Perrier if I could. The last thing they want is for me to be stressed during treatment, so quitting anything isn't recommended at all.

Me and all my other bad habits cheered silently.

I finally got to get my hair done, yay!

I met my wonderful friend Tegan for lunch.

Then on a whim, before I went for radiation yesterday I visited some of my old friends from work!

I didn't have a lot of time, but what a great feeling that was. Grabbing hugs, sharing smiles and just being in the same company with them again was a great feeling. Having their support means the world to me, it was just what I needed to get me through the rest of the week. Thanks guys....it was so nice to see each and every one of you.

This weekend, my girlfriend Jacqui and her sister Jodi are coming up from Seattle. We are going to have a wonderful girlie weekend. I know we will have a ton of laughs and good times, and I can't wait.

Thank you everyone for sticking by me this week. Sadly it was more difficult on a personal level then it was on a cancer level, but that's how the cookie crumbles....

Jesse, Hayley and Sophie - I love you, I love you, I love you...

LD...I did it pooper, so can you ;) ... I love you

Mom, thank you for being the best mom in the whole entire world, I simply could not do this without you.  I love you!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful sister Kate...I love you xox

Have a great weekend everyone!

xo s

No soft landing guarentee....

I was so confidant yesterday. I felt good, I had the day ahead of me. I had been for my radiation appointment early. It was a beautiful sunny day. Nothing was going to stop me.

Except the brick wall I ran into when I got home. Or did the brick wall run into me?

I had let my guard down. I let myself believe that the absolute worst is happening to me right now, it can't get any worse right? Wrong.

Without going into details, or worrying anyone. Things are fine now. Kids are fine. Family is fine.

I guess what I wasn't expecting was another shitty thing to land on my plate.  My plate is full thank you very much. 

There are no answers as to why things happen, and for the most part I think mostly good things happen to people. It just sucks when shitty things happen when someone is already down.

So as for yesterday, I hit the brick wall, hard.  Then, as if I wasn't banged up enough, brick, after brick, after brick fell.

I felt like Wile Coyote under those boulders, finally when I felt safe enough I raised a flag that said help. I'm not going to lie, during yesterday's events I wanted to raise many flags, they are as follows: please stop I have cancer!; I am not Rob Ford!; please please you've hurt me enough!; I want my mommy!

I had a long and sleepless night, I still felt trapped under those boulders.  I had an early radiation appointment in the morning the following day.

Just my luck, Victoria wakes up to freezing weather. I went outside to warm up my car. My locks were frozen. Both sides. My doors were frozen shut. I had no idea what to do. I cried.

I went back into my house and called the clinic to tell them I would be late. I do not have the option of skipping a day, I have to do the radiation everyday. They said they would fit me in when I got there.

Full disclosure, I'm from Saskatchewan. What was I doing outside my car crying in the first place? Why didn't I know what to do? I was still stuck under those boulders, the only person getting me out was me....or the road runner and since I'm going all out honest here, any type of bird terrifies the shit out of me, so the road runner is out.

I finally got into my car, drove to the cancer clinic. I cried the whole way there. Life is unfair. Life can be difficult, just look on Facebook, there are four thousand quotes a day about life, good and bad.

As I lay in the machine, my thoughts raced.

I have three children who need me, and even tho I am a single mom and it's hard work sometimes, my kids need their mom. As much as they need me, I need them too, being stuck under boulders hinders that.

I miss who I was. I miss the work I used to do, the people, my awesome co-workers, even the parking tickets I used to get. I loved my job. Word to the wise, I cant look back I am not going that way.

This is me now. I will have good days, I will have great days, I will have some bad days and I will have some fucking shitty days.

I got out of the machine. I drove home and let the last of the tears come. 

Tonight, I spent the evening quietly removing the boulders, looking out for birds cuz holy shit they freak me out!  

Tomorrow is another day....

Doctor Doctor....

I'm two radiation treatments down...only 23 more to go. So far no reactions yet, I do feel some burning on my lower back. Kind of like when you stayed 5 minutes too long in the tanning bed. I am putting the recommended cream on, and hoping for the best.

I was told to watch for nausea and diarrhea, those would be my two main concerns. The super sonic panda beams are covering a lot of ground. It's not only shrinking the tumour, it's also ensuring that no new panda cells are being made. Something like that...

Long story short, it's laying it thick on my stomach, as well as my pelvis. I can only hope for good anti-nausea meds.

One thing I haven't  talked much about are my Dr's. They are all women, mostly young and all incredibly bright and well spoken. Honestly, given the territory they are working with I am incredibly thankful they are women. 

More so, it's a tough and impressive field of medicine. Each Dr has a very precise role in my treatment, they have to work independently as well as seamlessly. When it came to my radiation planning, there were no less then 3 Dr's putting there heads together. They plotted each step.

I don't know if I followed up by mentioning that I met with the Dr in Vancouver who will be doing the next set of treatments. Yes....there are more, and no...no, I can't even talk about it yet.

The Dr in Vancouver is a woman as well, she came in dressed to the nines in chic street fashion, topped with Dior glasses.

Yes...I. don't want to talk about the treatments in Vancouver that badly...I am talking fashion on my cancer blog ;).

All in all, I am in really good care. I have plenty of support at the Cancer Clinic and from each one of my Dr's. My mom and I joke that the clinic put a homing device on me, it's like they know I am in the building as soon as I walk in. Someone is always coming by to check on me, or wants me to go get a blood requisition, or has a question to ask, it's kind of remarkable actually.

I remember in my first few notes, I was angry and resentful because I had to be there. I don't feel that way now.  I know why I am there, I am determined to do and be my best while I am there....I don't want to go back once I am done, that's why.

Let's get this party started..

I am happy to say that I do have a start date for my radiation, it's Monday. As in, this Monday. Like in 2 sleeps.

I've noticed a change in myself. 

Being sick with RA and Fibro can be excruciatingly painful, not only in body but in mind as well. It's so fucking frustrating. You can literally go to bed and not know what will be hurting the next day, or what limb will be feeling "asleep", or whether I will sleep all day. It just gets to be so defeating.

Now with the panda cells, I know exactly what needs to be done to get well. This isn't a chronic illness, it's a threat to all the cells in my body that are well. There is a cure, there is a plan, there aren't any guessing games.

The change I've noticed in myself is that I have found my confidence. Generally speaking, and previous to my current health issues....when it came to my health, I did not use it, I naively placed myself into the care of someone else and said here, fix me. That got me nowhere, other than placed on medications that were not helpful to me at all. 

Now, I am fully in tune with what is happening and where and why. There won't be a question I won't ask, there won't be a second opinion I won't seek. I have to be confidant and know what is happening in and to my body. That panda tumour has to shrink. 

 

What a lesson this will be once this is over, perhaps I will finally find a new way to live with the RA and Fibro.

I don't want to leave you with the impression that I slogged thru these past years not caring. It's just that with RA and Fibro there is not a lot that you can do. Often Dr's throw too many meds at patients, sometimes not enough. Sometimes the RA is even hiding more illnesses because it's an autoimmune disease that affects the whole body all the time. It's exhausting just to talk about...let alone having it.

Back to the party!

It starts Monday....I have no idea what to wear! what are you going to wear?

xo s

Stage...

I have been reluctant to talk about the stage.  It can be a scary thing to hear. It can be a scary thing to talk about.

We've all heard the stories.  "So and so was diagnosed with Stage # and was gone in two months"....

Perhaps it's even happened to a family member, someone who is close to us.  There was nothing that anyone could do, except to watch helplessly as their loved one was stolen.

The stage is an adequate description for the Dr's on how far advanced the cancer is, where is it, it's growth pattern and it's typical behaviour.

I have Stage 3b Cervical Cancer.

I have attached a diagram so you know exactly what it looks like.

Guys, please don't look away....it's important for you to know this too.

This is what my panda cells look like.

On Wednesday, I am having a small surgery to have a stent put into place to keep the ureter open.  My kidney will need all the help it can get with the radiation and chemotherapy, so having things run smoothly will help the dude out.

Tomorrow, Tuesday my mom and I are going back to Vancouver to the cancer clinic.  We are going for some appointments to learn about the treatments I will be getting once I finish the chemotherapy and radiation.  They are nothing if not organized and thoughtful these wonderful people at the Cancer Clinics.

I am not sure when I will post next, but I will before the end of the week.

I have Stage 3b cervical cancer.

There.

...I said it out loud.

Sometimes I forget....

For the most part, since my diagnosis, the word, the pain, the fear has weighed heavily on me.  There are times that I do forget, forget the word, the pain and the worry and go about my day.

I had a busy day today. Errands to run, birthday parties to drop off and pick up Sophie from. Of course we had the grab the present before dash, wrap in the car frenzy that I am sure some of you know what I mean. I dropped Sophie off, the mother met me at the door, thankfully, because I had Hayley to run home.

When I returned to the party, it was the usual. A gaggle of sugar loaded kids screaming and having a blast. A group of parents, who, if lucky knew each other, if not stood awkwardly waiting and hoping their kid would listen when it was time to go.  

I noticed three mom's, who must have stayed at the party, and probably knew the birthday girls mom better then I did. They were very kind to me, would I like a chair? Did I need a drink? They smiled my way often, and I smiled back. I noticed not every parent was getting this special treatment, and that's when it hit me....they knew, and I forgot.

My stomach did a flip, and returned to the same queasy uneasy feeling that has been my constant companion since my diagnosis.  I still returned the smiles, although I have to admit, mine weren't as big or as confidant as before.

I have cancer and they don't. Whether they were thinking that or not, I was.  

I forgot.

After the birthday party, I still had a few more errands to run. Thankfully Sophie was lovely as usual and we left the party on time. I love her.

I had to pick up the prescriptions for when I start the treatments. It's getting closer, even tho the dates aren't set, they will be soon. I need to be prepared.

I use the same pharmacy as I always have, even tho I have moved, these guys have treated me well. I grabbed my new prescriptions. They were all heavy duty anti-nausea medications. I guess I am going to or hopefully not , feel queasy. Yuk.

As the pharmacist handed me the bag, we exchanged pleasantries as usual. He held the bag tighter, and I looked up and saw tears in his eyes. He told me the whole team was rooting for me.

For a few minutes I had forgotten again. I get all my RA medication from them, so picking up prescriptions is normal. Seeing the pharmacist, well, with such a personal message was another reminder. A kind and thoughtful message of course, I forgot, he knew.

I know that once I start the treatments, I won't be given the chance to forget. The treatments will be difficult. The chemotherapy is at a high volume. The radiation is at a high volume. I will be sicker before I get better, I know this.

We are going for the gold, but even with the gold at the end of the tunnel, I liked it when I forgot.

xo s

I want to acknowledge a wonderful friend Jacqui, I met her in Mexico 17 yrs ago and I am so very lucky to still be able to call her friend to this day. She has endeavoured to send me an upbeat message almost everyday. She has invited me to her home near Seattle, her hand built home by her husband Jeff (he's a cool shit), to recoup and be cared for.  She is coming for a visit in 2 weeks (yay!), and I am so very thankful for her and her support. I love you Jac xo

Let's end this week on an ok note....

Most of the Dr's at the Cancer Clinic are usually quite guarded, they don't usually say too much, which is understandable, but frustrating at times.

I had a Dr this week, who wasn't as guarded.  I have to give it to her, she was running behind, a bit flustered and I had to wait a long time.  I didn't mind, but I knew she was at the end of her day.

She came in and introduced herself.  She was my Oncologist, my medical oncologist.  The one who mixes up the potions for my chemotherapy, the chemotherapy that I will take prior to my radiation every 7 days.  More on that to come...

As she was looking through my file, she was kid of mutterimg to herself....catching up on who I was basically.  After a little while, she found the information she was looking for...

"Ah! I found it...ok, it's cureable we are going for the gold, the 5 weeks will be hell for you, but the good news is that it is cureable" she said

Ummm...what?  Did I finally just get some good news?  I mean, I know I can beat this, but any kind of hope from a white jacket...is better then a cold Sleemans, you know what I am saying??

Let's just break that bad boy down....

"..its cureable"

"we are going for the gold"

And putting it all together......

"Its cureable.....we are going for the gold!"

I will take that, and a beer thank you very much!


Have a happy weekend everyone

xox s

The latest...

This week has not turned out to be the week I was hoping it would be.

Hurry up and wait is the theme.

Good news....results from the PET scan is that no Panda cells have travelled outside the pelvis/belly.

Yay!

Change in treatment news....because the lymph nodes in the pelvis look to be slightly affected, they don't want to take any chances. The team of Dr's have decided to change the "volumes" of my radiation. Basically that means they are turning up the volume on my treatment.  

It went from a very aggressive treatment plan to, an extremely aggressive and very difficult treatment plan. They will know almost right away if I can tolerate this plan. They will look to see if I become nauseous or have diarrhea after the treatment.

It still is the plan to take an oral chemotherapy drug, to enhance the effect the radiation will have on the cells in my pelvis.

They are doing a large area to be safe.  

My kidney has been affected. It does not have any panda cells, but it's not happy being in the same place with all the bad kids. There is a small surgery planned, to help the kidney out.

Once the radiation is over, it's still going to be 5 days a week, for 5 weeks. I will have to go to Vancouver for some further treatments. That's not on the radar yet tho. I need to get thru the radiation.

The panda is advanced and being an asshole. I've dealt with people like that before, I don't think I will have any problem with cells that behave that way ;)

xox

s

I know this much is true...

It's been a difficult 5 or so years.

I lost my father to cancer, losing him devastated me. His everyday presence in my life, now gone, broke me, and I am still grieving his loss.

I read a quote recently, "Grief doesn't change you, it reveals you"

After careful consideration, I believe that to be true.

In the last 2 yrs, several events occurred that ended my 21 year marriage. There has been no accountability from the other half. We both made mistakes, but only one of us admits to it. Not having the relief of hearing an admission or owning his part, makes it seem as if none of my feelings or my part of a being the half of what once was, ever really mattered. 

I became ill‎, and for a long while, I didn't know I was. Everything became a struggle for me. There were many who did not, and chose not to understand. Once I did get the diagnosis, I felt relieved, however, it took a long time for me to understand and accept a diagnosis of a lifetime chronic illness.

The kids and I moved out of our family home. The house where I brought all three of my babies home. After the separation, the house no longer felt like home. Looking back, I have to say it reflected our relationships. Being an older home, it needed constant upkeep, a lot of that stopped. Everyday living was put off for another day, this left piles of papers and mail. Dishes were left out, and then the games started "its not my glass, why should I put it away?!" so it would sit...for 3 days or more.

Moving into this Townhouse was going to be a fresh start. A new school for Sophie, a new neighbourhood, one where even I was surprised that I moved to. I love it here.

I figured it would take some time to settle in, but it felt like home almost immediately.

Why am I telling you all this? I don't know.

I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being tired.

Now, with this new diagnosis, it steals time. It will steal time away from me, my kids, my family, from facebook and my blog. I'm being honest....of course I had to say facebook.

It's stealing time away from me, to rediscover who I am. 

Now, I am again left to wonder who I will be after the treatments are over.

Am I to rediscover myself in the meantime? While I am sore, nauseous, angry, sad, scared, fighting?

What will my body be like after radiation has take its toll? And the chemotherapy? And the surgeries?

I wonder who would want me.

I know this much is true, these beautiful faces, these beautiful beings, they are mine and I love them so....

This is why I will fight like hell....

This week...

This week is when everything starts to happen.

Once I get the results from the PET scan, I will be given a more conclusive diagnosis and Stage. As long as there aren't any serious surprises, I think this week should go as planned.

I will be meeting with my Radiologist Oncologist Dr.H, she's really bright, and with it and I like her. We will go over the PET scan results, she has the final say on the treatment plan. If she doesn't think anything needs tweaking, then I believe I am in the queue for my first radiation treatment on Thursday.

Not so fast....they want to make sure you feel, well loved and taken care of.

 

On Wednesday, I see the Medical Oncologist to go over my meds, he will be the one lining up the oral chemotherapy, to be done at the same time as the radiation. This is an aggressive treatment plan, the oral chemo will help the radiation do an even better job.

After that appointment, more love, I will see the Urologist. I've been told that the disease is wrapping itself around one of the tubes coming from my kidney. This is good news because we don't want it to invade or spread to the kidney. They may have to put a Stent in to keep the tube from not getting squished, and that looks like a super unfun thing to get done or talk about so....how about those Red Sox??!!!

After I run screaming from the Urologist appointment, I am going to be interviewed by the Pain Management Team. They are made up of, Dr's, Pharmacists, Nurses and Psychologists who review your meds, review your pain levels and offer from the ground up different levels of coping. Depending on your pain level, there will always be a plan, but with a back up plan. Given the expertise in the groups, I am quite excited to learn what I can, instead of constantly turning to my "bedside table turned pharmacy counter" for something that I "hope" will help.

Sounds like this week is going to be busy, but starting the treatment is also a big step to getting this overwith.

Having a rather slow week was good, because I needed the rest, and I had all the kids home with me. It also was kind of bad, it left me with time, time to let thoughts get in, if the results from the PET scan aren't what we expect. Those moments are the worst, I do not stay there for long, but they can be my reality.

I am again left to wonder, at this time next week, will I know something more distressing then I know now? Will I already start to be feeling the effects of the radiation? 

I can't even remember now, what I was worrying about 2 months ago. Did I need more groceries? Maybe more oil in my car? Or which school picture I should be choosing for Sophie....

Damn...those were so simple

How to post a comment on my blog.... :)

Your comments mean a lot to me, I love reading them, I read them over and over....

I know Google doesn't make it easy to leave a comment, so here is a cheat sheet.

Before you write anything in the comment box, go to where it says Comment As:

Use the drop down menu and click on Anonymous.

Now, you can comment to yours and my hearts content.

Afterwards, you can hit publish. It will make you go through a security check, but after that, your comment is there.

Thank you in advance for your comments. If you have any questions about what I am doing, or if you are curious about something, ask away and I will be happy to answer!

xox s

The PET Scan

I have to be honest, I have had trouble accepting the accolades from everyone, especially the accolades about my bravery and strength.

I don't feel brave, and I don't feel strong. I'm scared. I'm frightened for upcoming appointments, and results. I'm nervous about going to the counsellor tomorrow because I'm afraid I will cry, and not stop.

And then I happened by this quote,

To show your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength - Criss Jami

This is exactly what I am doing, I am sharing my weakness. I am telling you how terrified I am of a 3cm tumour in my body. I am sharing that if that tumour spreads, how much more scared I will be, because my fight, can become ten times harder. The so called "cure", will be that much more difficult for me to endure.

And therein lies the strength, in my thoughts coming out into my words. If I weren't writing them, I know, I would not be saying them.‎ This is where I believe by sharing, via my writing, my strength of humility can shine through. I'm sure we all know my strength of stubbornness by now....

So, thank you everyone for allowing me to share my strengths and weaknesses, it is helping me in a very difficult time.

Anyways, onto the PET scan, or should I say Positron Emission Tomogrophy Scan

My mom and I travelled over to Vancouver on Wednesday, we took the 11 o'clock ferry to make sure we would get over to the mainland in good time, check in at the hotel, and find our way to the hospital without getting lost. I get tired quite easily, so was very thankful we were able to get into our room by 3 and I was able to have a short nap before heading over to the Cancer Agency.

I wasn't at all as nervous as I thought I would be. The day before, I got a fantastic email from two good friends Kim and Greg. They gave me the best and most helpful info to date (thank you Kim and Greg)‎. I knew what to expect when I got there, so I was ok with what the scan was going to be like.

‎Once I got there, I was taken to a room by a nice young assistant. He explained that I would be injected with "sugar dye", not the technical words he used, but close. Basically, cancer lives and grows off sugar, so this test was allowing the cancer cells to "nom nom" on the sugar, while they were taking pictures. While he was explaining it to me, I said "oh, like Pac Man?", judging by the look on this kids face, if I made any further outbursts he was going to bring Security in with him next time.

Once the "sugar dye" was injected, I was to lay still and let it do its work. To move about or "not obey the rules" (what? did he know me?) would be a disservice to me, since my muscles would use up the sugar first, and not the intended cancer cells.  

Personally, I think the cancer cells are getting a lot of attention these days....but, I had to listen to the dude. Before he left the room, he said, "we have a CD list you can choose from", and although Kim had told me, I could send them a playlist. I just was not going to go there, memories of Rob and country music are still dancing around in my head, no thank you. I chose the sounds of silence instead.

I actually don't mind the quiet. I do have three kids! It was nice just laying there. It gave me time to threaten the shit out of the panda cells that were thinking of leaving my pelvis for other places. I also got to think about things I needed to have done around my place for when I start radiation, and,  for when I will not be able to do very much at all. It was nice, I enjoyed my quiet time, it went by quickly.

I was escorted into a room and again was met with a mother ship....holy, what is it with these humongous machines?? I almost asked the kid which Transformer it was....  

I was soon loaded onto a long board and was zipped into the mouth of the Transformer, or, sorry the PET machine. I was in there for an hour. What I didn't know, was that the table can be moved, so they moved the table, up, down, side to side, up and down and....you get it. I was sea sick. It was kinda yucky, but after it was all said and done, it was well after 8 at night and I knew my mom was waiting in the waiting room for me. I just couldn't wait to go.

MRI - check

Bone Scan - check

CT scan - check

PET scan - check

Results, next Monday or Tuesday.

Have a safe and Happy Weekend

xox s