Sometimes I forget....

For the most part, since my diagnosis, the word, the pain, the fear has weighed heavily on me.  There are times that I do forget, forget the word, the pain and the worry and go about my day.

I had a busy day today. Errands to run, birthday parties to drop off and pick up Sophie from. Of course we had the grab the present before dash, wrap in the car frenzy that I am sure some of you know what I mean. I dropped Sophie off, the mother met me at the door, thankfully, because I had Hayley to run home.

When I returned to the party, it was the usual. A gaggle of sugar loaded kids screaming and having a blast. A group of parents, who, if lucky knew each other, if not stood awkwardly waiting and hoping their kid would listen when it was time to go.  

I noticed three mom's, who must have stayed at the party, and probably knew the birthday girls mom better then I did. They were very kind to me, would I like a chair? Did I need a drink? They smiled my way often, and I smiled back. I noticed not every parent was getting this special treatment, and that's when it hit me....they knew, and I forgot.

My stomach did a flip, and returned to the same queasy uneasy feeling that has been my constant companion since my diagnosis.  I still returned the smiles, although I have to admit, mine weren't as big or as confidant as before.

I have cancer and they don't. Whether they were thinking that or not, I was.  

I forgot.

After the birthday party, I still had a few more errands to run. Thankfully Sophie was lovely as usual and we left the party on time. I love her.

I had to pick up the prescriptions for when I start the treatments. It's getting closer, even tho the dates aren't set, they will be soon. I need to be prepared.

I use the same pharmacy as I always have, even tho I have moved, these guys have treated me well. I grabbed my new prescriptions. They were all heavy duty anti-nausea medications. I guess I am going to or hopefully not , feel queasy. Yuk.

As the pharmacist handed me the bag, we exchanged pleasantries as usual. He held the bag tighter, and I looked up and saw tears in his eyes. He told me the whole team was rooting for me.

For a few minutes I had forgotten again. I get all my RA medication from them, so picking up prescriptions is normal. Seeing the pharmacist, well, with such a personal message was another reminder. A kind and thoughtful message of course, I forgot, he knew.

I know that once I start the treatments, I won't be given the chance to forget. The treatments will be difficult. The chemotherapy is at a high volume. The radiation is at a high volume. I will be sicker before I get better, I know this.

We are going for the gold, but even with the gold at the end of the tunnel, I liked it when I forgot.

xo s

I want to acknowledge a wonderful friend Jacqui, I met her in Mexico 17 yrs ago and I am so very lucky to still be able to call her friend to this day. She has endeavoured to send me an upbeat message almost everyday. She has invited me to her home near Seattle, her hand built home by her husband Jeff (he's a cool shit), to recoup and be cared for.  She is coming for a visit in 2 weeks (yay!), and I am so very thankful for her and her support. I love you Jac xo