Nothing...

After I finished the last of my 5 weeks of Radiation, I was seriously ecstatic that I didn't have to go back to the cancer clinic everyday, I wouldn't have other appts stacked on top of the other, making it even a longer day....nope, not me. I was done, and I was happy!.

Yet...as my freedom days grew, so did the uneasiness in my gut.   If I'm not at the cancer clinic working away by letting them stick poison in my arm, or shoot laser beams thru my guts, then what is the cancer doing?

While we do nothing?

I only know what I was told, the nodes have shrunk and yes, the tumour has decreased significantly.  I felt more confidant over the panda cells then, more than now.

Because I'm not doing anything. 

Sure, I sound all dramatic and I might be making this a big deal in my head. I don't want the panda cells to grow, or spread. That really scares me. Any new cramp, or pain I get a little more anxious about it. It's an uneasy feeling, it's scary and worse, because I don't want to alarm those close to me, it's a lonely feeling. 

When does the nothing stop?

I do know that I am scheduled for 5 more treatments in Vancouver. I've been waiting for the dates for weeks now. Everyone has been on vacation, so we may literally get a call on Monday that will tell us to be there Tuesday untilThursday night. Or, we might not. We could still be waiting.

These next 5 sessions of internal radiation will be very aggressive, I know this. Even now, when I'm pining over the "nothing" I know the panda cells will runs screaming for their lives when they see what's coming. It's just frustrating to wait. 

After I finished my radiation they warned me that any side effects that I was getting, could get twice as bad two weeks after, so I should be careful and rest. I listened, but I also only really had the nausea, so I kept my rescue pills close.

It was only a few days after I was done, when,  like a wrecking ball came from nowhere and hit me full on, with all the side effects. Yeesh....gravol did not cut it, I had to pull out the chemo nausea drugs. Fatigue is incredible, sometimes I feel like I am walking with cement on my feet, or my head is full of cement because I just can't lift it off my pillow. The other side effect, I will save you from descriptives, your welcome.

I know the nothing will soon be something, but it's been hard waiting. Cross your fingers we get some dates soon.