The "day"..... part 2 **long and a few words that aren't nice**

I came home from the appointment and hugged Sophie for as long as she would let me....it wasn't long enough.

I got to the Cancer Clinic in good time, registered at the reception desk and received a new patient package.  It was mostly just a questionnaire for the care team, I also received a CD that I was invited to watch and return, and a volunteer offered me a journal, where inside I could track my progress during my visits.

The volunteer took us to a waiting room where it was confirmed which Dr's I would be seeing.  Everyone there was very helpful and kind.  I could feel my nerves start to fray, from fear and from resentment and not necessarily in that order.

Another volunteer called my name, and took us to an examination room.  I continued to fill out the form I was given.  I had gotten thru all the medical stuff, then the family stuff, the mood stuff and then I got to the section that was called "Care Values for Healthcare", it said "Adults talk over their beliefs, values and visits for health care with their close family and friends, as well as their health care providers, in advance, if a time comes when they may not be able to decide for themselves"

Stop this fucking bus, I want to get off.

Even tho I was sitting there with my mom, I suddenly felt wild eyed, I searched the room for something familiar, anything that would give me some comfort that I would be ok.  I suddenly missed my messy kitchen, my bed and my pj's.  I wanted to leave, but really where would I go?.  This place, these rooms, will soon be the norm for me.  Its where I will hear if treatments have worked or not.

Thankfully a knock interrupted my thoughts, 3 women came in. Two Dr's and one med student.  They were here to examine me and to decide whether or not they should do surgery or radiation.  They examined, and examined and examined some more.  The surgeon dropped out.  It was surreal.  The radiologist talked to me, as I was still laying on the examination table and said that she wanted to place a "gold seed" close to where the tumour is, a tumour marker.  It will show up in the scans and will be the measuring stick on how well her treatment of choice is working.  I had a choice, get it done then, or come back.  The gold seed would be inserted by injection, it shouldn't hurt that much. In fact, it didn't hurt at all.  After, I joked, that I got some "bling in me".

After all the exams were done, seed inserted it was time to talk treatment plan. The radiologist was very sure of what we needed to do, although there are still some more tests to get done, she's ready to go.

I still have to get a PET scan, which means I will have to travel to Vancouver to do that.  It will measure minuscule amounts of cancer cells.  The hope is that it is negative.  Cancer of the cervix does have opportunity to spread to the lymph nodes, we do not want this to happen.  The tumour is pressing against my kidney, it's ruining the business there so I have to see a urologist to get a stunt put in to clear the "flow" if you will, so everything is running smoothly.  Next, an MRI which will show her a better picture again, of my pelvis.  You'd think she'd be tired of my pelvis by now, no?

Her radiation plan is this:  25 days of Radiation, 5 days a week, with weekends to recover.  Radiation will make me tired, it will also burn my skin and leave me sore.  There is also internal radiation therapy, where I will be (thankfully) put under and radiation will be blasted, ummm internally.  She also mentioned that I would be given some chemotherapy that would make the radiation work "better".  She said that this is a very aggressive treatment plan and it would be very difficult. I have no doubt that it will be, given the alternative I guess I'm going to rock this shit out.

I was given opportunity to ask questions, but after being told all that....I'd sound like gumby if I said anything. I was told stage, but that further staging needed to be done, so I am not comfortable talking about that just yet.

I've been told to wait for phone calls and appointment times......




ps: i think i turned on the comments section so anyone can leave a comment without having a google account...so please, leave comments if you like :)