My chemical romance......

With any chronic and long term illness, you are bound to be stuck with prescription medicine.   Before that, there is the trial and error period, which is where you and your Dr try different medications to see what works for you. For some, this can be a long tedious, sometimes painful process. Not to mention expensive and time consuming. Having said that, it's extremely important to do.

I'm well aware that there are natural, organic and prescription free alternatives, but I'm not discussing that, I am talking about what worked for me.

Just before I was finally diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I had a Dr who basically threw pills at me. I was unhappy, in pain and he had the prescription pad, I must have been an easy patient. Truth be told, I didn't even really know what I was taking except that it helped me sleep, and helped with some pain.  Another truth, I loved my sleeping pills...I escaped to the bedroom to get away from so many fights in my doomed marriage. Unfortunately, I started to escape more and more. I soon realized I was on a slippery slope, those pills were getting me nowhere fast, they were not going to cure me, they would not solve my problems and they would not save my marriage.  Sadly, unbeknownst to be my marriage was already over, due to an affair. So I stopped the pills, cold turkey, a new me.

Four days later, the new me, had a grand mal seizure in the middle of a store...in front of my son, who to this day has trouble dealing with that episode, and I, to this day, harbour incredible guilt. When I fell to the ground, I hit my head so hard, I had a concussion. I came to in the ambulance, but apparently I was just sitting on the stretcher staring at nothing.

At the hospital, is where I was hit with news I never thought I would hear, not I. I was in withdrawal from benzodiazapenes. Serious medication, where you need to be tapered off slowly, the dosage I was on should have taken about a year to get off, possibly two. What had I done?

I was in the hospital for about a week. I spoke with several counsellors who were willing to help me taper my medication, and help me straighten things out. It was surreal for me, honestly to have gone through such a preventable episode, one where I could have died. There is no excuse to be so naive and careless with medication. I needed to rally back from this.

I found a new Dr, and all my medication was packaged for me in the pharmacy in pill packs. I knew everything I was taking, and why. I would have endless conversations about the pro's and cons of certain medications once I started taking more for my RA.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was of course upset but I got scared of the thought of more medication. I don't want more, but that's impossible when faced with a disease that could take my life.  

I guess my reason for saying this out loud is that once I am done with the treatments, and the cancer is gone, the illness a distant memory......will the pills be too?