Chemo - Round 4

As much as I am happy with how low my numbers are, I've been down. I've had a tough time getting back on my feet from the last chemo, I didn't get my usual week where I feel great, and that's when I can get things done.‎ I start chemo number 5 in two days and I still don't feel well.

I've been down, of course when you aren't feeling well its hard to be cheery, but my mood has stayed low. I've missed summer completely, I've watched Sophie walk out the door, on her way to many adventures with others. I'm thankful for that, that she had things to do while I wasn't able to take her out, but I can't shake the guilt. I know there is nothing I can do about it, and that my main focus is for me to get well, I know this. I miss my life, I miss having a life, I miss a lot of things.

‎This is the first time I have felt apprehensive about going to chemo. All the other sessions I have been ok with. Maybe I'm just tired of being poked and prodded, tested and examined, questioned, and questioned some more. There is no break, no reprieve, even just for a little while. It's always there, cancer. I know I am in a fortunate position right now, I know it could be worse, I know this.

I will turn this low around, return to my normal goofy self....I always do, I just don't know when.  

Soon.

Thanks go to Wendy S, Emma G, Greg & Kim B, my Supermom and a very special thank you to Julie, your comment touched my heart, and I thank you for that.

xo