Believe.....and bad news

Update Below

(written early May 13)

I'm behind in my updates, my apologies to those of you who keep checking for something new, and I have delivered, well, up until now, nothing.

The last week and a half has been difficult.   I met with the surgeon, found I had lost a dear friend, and had a small surgery. I also found out that when it came time to try and write about my week(s), I had a serious case of writers block. 

For some reason, putting into words all that I learned from the surgeon, my feelings about the week, usually an undaunted task, seemed...overwhelmingly difficult.

‎I will start with something easy. The small surgery I had was to remove the Stent that was put near my bladder because the tumour was squishing my "pee tube". Since the tumour is gone (yay!), the Stent does not have to be there. It was a fairly easy day, although coming back from the anesthia is always kind of yucky, you would think I would be a pro by now.

‎My mom and I met with the surgeon at the cancer centre. He was very nice, knows his stuff and was very straight forward with what needed to be done. While my other Dr tried to reassure us that the mass in my omentum could just be necrotic tissue, this Dr spoke to it as if it was specifically cancer. When I tried to get him to speak to it being only the necrotic tissue, he said that, that would be great but we obviously need to err on the side of caution and treat it as if it isn't.   He also took a small biopsy in order to discount or confirm there being any small microscopic cancer cells roaming around. He told us this was not likely the case, but, if it came back positive, the surgery would not be a go. Having the biopsy be positive would mean the small cells are more of a threat spreading around, then what needs to be removed. This was worst case scenario, and he proceeded to tell us why.  As you can imagine, the conversation got quite difficult after that.

We discussed the effects of the old cancer spreading to the omentum, vs it being a new occurrence of cancer in the omentum. Basically any type of cancer spreading is bad news. Worse, cancer of the omentum can be fatal.

Despite everything I have gone thru, this appointment by far, although progressive, was one of the most un-settling for me. So much so, that I went and got a small tattoo on my wrist, it says "believe". I don't want for one minute to not believe I won't be at each of my children's weddings, or for when they have children. I believe I am going to keep living.

And then, I found out Lisa had passed away. Leaving behind two daughters and a son. My kids and I all took this news very hard. Lisa was always very good to us, we all adored her. I wrote about her, as a way to cope. She was particularly supportive of me since my diagnosis, both of us having a disease where neither of us had any control, but our lives were under its control. ‎ I will miss her dearly.

There is some good news, believe it or not! Hayley has moved home, which means that I have all 3 kids here with me. I can't tell you how happy that makes me!

The date of my surgery is May 28th. I'm expected to be in the hospital‎ for about 4 or 5 days after, and recoup time will be about 6-8 weeks.

***UPDATED***
(late evening May 13th)

I got a call from the surgeon this evening. He called to let me know that the biopsy that he had done, came out positive.‎ This was not the news we wanted.

This means that the surgery is off for now, this means that the mass we were hoping was simply necrotic tissue is more then likely cancer. This means that I start aggressive chemotherapy right away. This means that the cancer is/has spread in my pelvis, and there are no guarentees.

Now, more then ever I am very happy that all three of my children are with me at home.  ‎Chemotherapy will be difficult, and it will take its toll on all of us. 

I know people will want to help and support my wonderful little family. Whatever that looks like for you, we will appreciate.  

xo

s

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